The Second Day of 2018 Itself I Was Told That I am Completely Useless

I wanted to start my 2018 with big dreams like everyone else. I made big goals. A long-term plan which should be accomplished within a year and bla.. bla.. bla..

The second day of 2018 itself I was told that I am completely useless. Yes. Complete useless.

It took me days to regain myself. I slept the whole day, for three following days and thanks to the tuition class that I committed myself into. I left home only to get food and to teach.

The rest of the time I slept.

Shamelessly, admitting now that yes I did give up completely. For someone who can be shattered easily with just a few harsh words, I actually was tarnished to the core. Unimaginably tarnished.

Those words started to attack me again and again regardlessly. I was certain that this is it. Maybe, I am completely useless.

I sat and started reminiscing the past. The day I was full of energy to do what I wanted to do. The day I was confident that I can achieve everything I wanted in a year time.

The day I was alive.

Yes, it felt good though the incident didn't completely leave my thoughts. While working on and off the incident haunted me. At least from sleeping the whole day I am back to typing on my laptop now.

An early stage of depression I call it. It is time to fight it. I learned if we don't run the day, the day will run us.

My days were wasted where I kept sleeping whenever the incident comes to my mind. I am done with that. It's time to run my days! It's time to prove myself about my capability.  Yes, to myself.

No comments