Guilty as charged!
I’m at that age where I should be walking around with one kid strapped to my waist and another screaming bloody murder in the hall because “the lava is going to get him.” Being ambitious (refer to past articles for evidence), I once had a full-fledged blueprint for my love life.
Find the one by 23.
Marry by 26.
First kid by 27.
Second by 29.
Add a house, a car, and a ridiculously good-looking husband to the mix.
Looking back, it’s painfully obvious that I was clearly being influenced by a group of aunties who treat your life like a KPI checklist. The type who call just to find out what you got for SPM so they can compare with their own kids, but magically forget your existence when it’s your birthday.
Luckily, somewhere along the chaos of living, I realised that it is not my job to live up to anyone else’s expectations. I’ve been asking myself what I want ever since I figured out that happiness comes from within. It’s something you create for yourself. Even if that “someone else” is my own parents.
And honestly, how many of you even ask yourself what you want?
I do. Every morning.
First thing: “What do I want to eat today?” Priorities, people.
I did fall in love once. I even tried to follow the traditional path. You know, the whole marriage–kids–grandma package. But the guy? Yeah, he ran away six months in. What can I do?
During COVID, when dating was basically illegal because every man I liked lived 10 km too far, I turned the love radar inward. I started caring for myself, mentally and emotionally. I found out a lot about myself. What I like, what makes me smile, why I get angry or cry for no reason, and a lot more. That was when my standards got a major upgrade. I stopped entertaining bare minimum efforts, just like how I walk past a pretty salad and head straight for biryani. I know what I like, and I don’t entertain what I don’t.
Bare minimum no longer impressed me, and I no longer ran after "as long as he is with me, I won't feel alone." I had the "I'm not going to waste my time with this idiot who thinks I will stay just 'cause he is good-looking and says the right things but takes no action" mindset.
Hyper-independent, some said.
"Sure," I replied. Not going to waste my time by correcting them.
At this point, I will say yes even when you tell me that tomato is purple in colour — because after saying yes, I am walking away and never seeing your face again. I'm not going to stand there, explain to you what colour tomatoes are, and how you should also see what I am seeing.
I also noticed that most girls around my age were getting married, and my mum looked rather quiet instead of freaking out. So, I had the conversation with her.
“Are you worried and disappointed that I didn’t marry the first guy who seemed like a good fit, and instead waited until I’m truly in love?”
Her answer? Melted me like butter on hot Thosai.
She said:
“Don’t rush it. Who cares if others are getting married? It’s scary out there; some kids are getting forced into marriage when they are not ready and end up divorced. We’ve seen it happen right in front of us. No need for history to repeat. You take your time and marry the right one. No pressure. Marriage and your partner should come from your intuition. Not confusion. I trust your decision on this.”
And ladies and gentlemen, this is why I’m in no rush to tick anyone else’s boxes but my own. Because when you’ve got a mother who reminds you that love isn’t a deadline but a decision, you learn to honour your heart more than the pressure. I may not have a wedding hashtag yet, but I have peace and more time to sleep since I don't have one running around screaming lava and another screaming for milk.
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